Dogs tremble in fear at his arrival...

Michael Vick. So, he's out of jail. So he's waiting for reinstatement to the NFL. So he's going to be playing for some team in the NFL. But where? Where will he go? It seems like he should be a Raider, doesn't it? he just seems to fit in there. Or maybe a Bengal. They seem to like criminals. Or maybe Dallas. Dallas likes the talented dregs of other teams don't they? Like Tank, and TO. Hm...his name doesn't start with a T, so maybe that won't work out.

Here's a list of all 32 NFL teams, and their current QB situation. Let's see where it makes sense.

AFC East

Buffalo - Currently has their allotment of wackaloon players with T.O. hanging out, so they're not asking for more trouble.

Miami - Currently practicing the spread offense with former WV quarterback Pat White. Not sure they require a Vick here.

New England - Wouldn't that be fun? Bellicheck and Mike Vick? But I'm guessing that having Tom Brady might keep them from bothering, right? Oh, yeah, and you gotta love this: Tom Brady's Hypothetical Season. Instead of being hurt the writer imagines what it might have been like if Brady had played all season, and grants Brady the league MVP and Superbowl win, and the Superbolw MVP. Really, dude? Really? Hypothetically if I had spent more time playing football in High School I'd be the reigning MVP of the NFL for the 13th straight year, so, yeah, dude, Brady's on the bench behind me. So there.

New York Jets - J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets, Jets! Who is there starting qb? Farve Bean retired (again. sort of.) Oh, right. They drafted Mark Sanchez! S-A-N-Chez, Jets, Jets, Jets, Jets!

AFC North

Baltimore - Das Ravens. They have nothing but awesome things to say about Joe Flacco and his apparently tireless arms. Seriously. My favorite part is the caption under the picture: "Joe Flacco's arm appears to be holding up well to the rigors of being an NFL quarterback." Good to know.

Cincinnatti - I joked about it in the opening (waaaay up there at the top of the page) but the more I think about it, I don't think the Bengals are a good fit for Vick. They have Carson Palmer, and I was not aware of this, Carson's little brother Jordan Palmer. Seriously, they're brothers, you can look it up.

Cleveland - What can Brown do for you, Mr. Vick? Probably not much. Mangini is apparently devising a conservative offense to protect his young QB's Brady Quinn and Derek Anderson, so they presumably don't need someone who can run around for half an hour before throwing a pass. But you wouldn't want to go there anyway since it's cold and the Dawg Pound would probably have some unsavory things to say to you.

Pittsburgh - The reigning Superbowl Champs and Ben Roethlisberger (hold the mayo) are good, thanks.

AFC South

Houston - How awesome would it be for Matt Schaub to find out Vick was going to be on the roster in Houston? I'm guessing that's not gonna happen.

Indianapolis - Peyton. Thanks for stopping by, though.

Jacksonville - This is one of those inexplicable things that I never understand. They have David Garrard, and that's great and all, but they may not be sold on him yet, so they have some other QB's (Todd Bouman, Michael Desormeaux (no, he's not a hockey player), Cleo Lemon, and Paul Smith). So that's 5 QB's already. Now remember, you only get to play 1 at a time. So, what did they do? They snagged undrafted Connecticutt QB Tyler Lorenzen for no apparent reason. So there's not really any space left in the QB closet for a Vick jersey.

Tennessee - Well, they have Kerry Collins. They have Patrick Ramsey. They drafted that guy out of Arkansas, Alex Mortensen (wonder how high his dad had him ranked. That's got to make for uncomfortable dinner conversation right? "Dad, you have me ranked below Tebow? C'mon!"). They still have Vince Young if they can get him some Zoloft or something. Probably not going to end up here.

AFC West

Denver - Well, they have Kyle Orton now, and they'll discover quick enough why Chi-town was so giddy to get rid of him, so there's hope. They also have Chris Simms, who probably misses when he was just the most hated Longhorn QB (all Texas fans hate him because he took Major Applewhite's starting spot, just be aware of that). Maybe some Shanahan discipline is what Vick needs.

Kansas City - Welcome to Arrowhead stadium, Mr. Vick. This one's probably too farfetched, but with Tyler Thigpen, Brodie Croyle, Matt Cassel, and Quinn Gray on their roster this does appear to be where QB's go to die.

Oakland - Still my favorite place for Vick to land. He'd still get to wear black jerseys, and he could probably outrun most NFL QB's which would magically make Al Davis think he was the greatest QB since Kenny Stabler (The Alabama Snake). I love this idea.

San Diego - That Phillip Rivers kid can play, huh?

NFC East

Dallas - This would be too awesome for words. Jerry Jones awkwardly attempting to high-five Vick after a win over perennial powerhouse Washington in week 2 would be the ESPN highlight of the week. I think they're gonna stick with that Romo-bot though.

New York Giants - Since Eli won them a Superbowl over the much hyped 18-1 Pats he's going to be a fixture for the G-Men for quite some time. Not a likely destination.

Philadelphia - Still amazed that they haven't moved McNabb, but bringing in another polarizing QB is not the answer.

Washington - The Redskins are awesome aren't they? But they have Jason Campbell (still young, give him time!) and Colt Brennan, the Flyin Hawaiin on the bench, so he's probably not going to end up here.

NFC North

Chicago - Da' Bears just won the "Jay Cutler's had it with Denver and he's leaving" lottery, so they're good.

Detroit - This wouldn't be crazy would it? If you were the Lions is there anything you wouldn't do? Mike Tyson as a Defensive lineman? Why not. Head coach Charles Barkley? Sure. Sold the team to Colombian drug lords? Wouldn't blink an eye. Surely they could grab Vick and the collective NFL fans would just shrug their shoulders, surprised only that he wasn't a wide receiver. But they drafted some QB out of Georgia (Matthew Stafford) and they have Culpepper on the bench, so it's probably not gonna happen. The Colombian drug lord thing, though...don't count that out.

Green Bay - The Aaron Rogers experience enters year 2 (6 counting the number of times he had to wait for Favre to really retire.)

Minnesota - While Favre Bean plays "Will he or won't he" with these guys they've got the inimitable Percy Harvin practicing the wildcat formation. Wouldn't Vick be great in the wildcat? Isn't it designed around fleet-footed QB's who can scramble? Did poor Randall Cunningham get born 30 years too early to take advantage? The answers to all those questions, coming up next on....Soap.

NFC South

Atlanta - I'm just gonna go ahead and guess No.

Carolina - You'd have to fight off Delhomme to get a shot here, as poor Hunter Cantwell is currently discovering (they haven't even given him a jersey number yet! Wait your turn young'n!)

New Orleans - You can have Drew Brees spot when you pry it from his cold, dead, jambalaya covered hands.

Tampa Bay - "Five Dogs, One Bone". That's what the Tampa Bay coach said about the Bucs starting QB spot. Despite the canine connection of that quote, Vick is unlikely to become "Dog #6".

NFC West

Arizona - Kurt Warner and Matt Leinart are already fighting for this job, so I can't imagine they'd have any interest in bringing in Vick, especially since they just played in a Superbowl.

St. Louis - There's already some talk about this. Apparently St. Louis current ownership is interested. However, they may be getting sold, which could change things. Perhaps PETA will buy the Rams, change their names to the St. Louis Humans Suck and stage naked protests of football in the parking lot. Then Vick will have to play somewhere else.

San Francisco - Another potentially interesting landing spot for the Vickster. They have Nate Davis, Shaun Hill, Damon Huard, and Alex Smith already. Wasn't Smith supposed to be the second coming of Joe Montana? Or am I just thinking of every QB SF's drafted since 1985? Remember Druckenmiller? Yeesh.

Seattle - Well, there's Hasselbeck, and Seneca Wallace already hanging around. Couple of other guys on the roster. Probably not Vick-worthy.

Hey, BFish, we can just redirect the good page to here.

If'ns you can figure out how to do such a thing.

Jacka$$.